Hi Mabel, it's your dad.
I have written quite a bit today and I have been very reflective lately. I've been thinking about you and how I can become the best father possible. I don't ever want to lie to you (except when it comes to holiday themed magical figures, but that is more of a fib and traditional moral compass than anything) so I don't mind saying that between the bouts of joy and excitement, I get scared here and there.
It worries me sometimes, but in general I am thankful for my fear. Fear is a secondary emotion and, if we are willing to do so, it makes us question what else we are feeling that makes us scared. In this case I am feeling pure unadulterated love. I love you so much. I love your mom and our family and, as a human, it scares me to love something to that heightened degree.
It's such a good thing though and when I stop to think about it, like right now it makes me so happy. I love you so much that I look at the world around me with more wonder. Sometimes, like last night, I imagine you experiencing for the first time. Last night it was the thought of you eating ice cream. Your mom and ice cream are basically BFF's and I definitely enjoy hanging out with ice cream every once in a while, but the thought and idea of how much you're probably going to love it is just so much fun. I find myself looking at random things and smiling just because I can't wait for you to go there, eat that, play those games, read those books, watch those movies, or write your first blog.
I am so very thankful for you already. Even before you were a part of our lives (which is hard to imagine and even difficult to remember) I was trying to be the best person I could be. Questioning the things that needed to be questioned. Living an active live with purpose and reason. Then you came along and all of that became so much more fun, more real, and more important. We are going to learn so much together! We are going to play so many games and have so many conversations about ridiculous and ridiculously important things!
Your momma and I are ready, as ready as we're going to be at least! I love feeling you move and kick and roll and hearing your heart beat and seeing little amorphous pictures of you. I love that you have already helped me appreciate my life and yours and your moms and how you're already teaching me a whole new version and meaning of living and loving.
If I don't say it enough when you are around, remind me to thank your mom for everything she did, does and will do. I guarantee you that a second doesn't go by when she isn't thinking of you and trying to take care of you now. She's already the best mom and I am so thankful to have her as a partner in this parenting thing. She's taught me so much already and I can't wait for her to teach you even more.
I love you. We love you. Thank you for being ours and I hope we make you happy and proud to be yours.
